WELL HERE WE ARE
IPhoto. (c) jan 1st 2012. By Leighton Kelly
Well we made it. It is literally day one two thousand twelve and as far as I know I posted a piece of art and ranted for nearly two years. At the beginning it was all about doing what you love daily instead of planning what to do in the future. It’s an impatient temperament but I adopted it for my own and it helped keep me off the streets and gave me a steady practice of art which I had been avoiding for lack of discipline. But I have to be honest. I have Been a hypocrite.I preposted a blog entry for today which goes against all that being In the moment is all about so that I could enjoy myself freaking out in the desert. But something happened and It didn’t work. So here I am in slab city with a bunch of freaks having a party at the end of the world and posting this entry half drunk in a hot van on my iPhone in the middle Of the day. It’s crazy put here. They made a mountain for Jesus and everything. All over it says “REPENT! Let Jesus come upon your body and into your heart” and I was confused the dude never saw how kinda gay that was. Not that that’s a problem mind youl. The guy loves Jesus a lot is all. Good on him. Whatever. New years resolution? Do what you want forever. Even if it seems crazy over the top to everyone else. Repeat after me: What do we do? what we want! When do we do it? Forever! In your face infinity. love lay.

WHO KNOWS

Dec 31th 2011. By Leighton kelly

• you know, we are reaching that point when DAY ONE 2012 actually becomes day one, 2012.  like in two days.  and i was all relieved cuz like the world was gonna explode right? or a feathered serpent would come down and give us all super powers or maybe super AIDS (based on Santas notes of course) or maybe the Jesus would like spread the heavens apart do some sick dance moves, blow our minds and then be like “do you have a few moments to talk about the Bible? have you accepted me into your heart?” and we’d be like “oh man!” and shut the door on his face. or perhaps its the Aliens coming back to be like, “wait what? you guys still here? i thought we wiped you out with that space flood a while back! dang! well, did you find any more gold? yeah? well hand it over suckers!”.  or maybe light beings dressed like the leather feather tribe at burning man that look deep in your eyes and be like, “blessings” to your face all day until you feel like you’ve been cursed. shit.  the end of the world is harsh! wait.  dang! sorry, my calculations are off. its gonna happen in DEC of 2012.  not new years of 2012! fuckin ‘ell. it is so hard reading this Mayan calendar and its so damned heavy.  so i stopped caring it around awhile back and left it in my back yard.  i just haven’t honing my knowledge of the end of the world lately.  maybe my new years resolution will be to really study the end of it all and get back to you.  but no.  probably not. new years resolutions rarely pan out and i’d like to enjoy my life instead. happy new year btchez! only one more to go!

THE ELEPHANT GOT HIT

Mixed media. © Dec 30th 2011. By Leighton Kelly

• last night i had the craziest dream. i was at a busy intersection and i noticed across the street a baby elephant scared and hurt as if it had been tagged by a car and desperate to cross over to the other side where we were to go to his sister who had made it and was sitting not far from our car. then i went over to the lil thing and it streched out its long trunk over to my hand and i comforted it tho i was a lil scared that it might roll over on me or freak out i asked it if it wanted to come into the shade but it said “no i prefer the sunlight” and it started eating tortillas from a bucket that someone must have put there. she was concerned about her brother who was still trying to cross over. and said she had also been hit and broke her pelvis. i began to start planning how to help the lil guy when i noticed a great big lavender semi barreling down the road just as the lil tyke began sprinting for it. the semi hit it so hard he flew into the air in a large high arc all the way into the next valley.  it seemed like forever we watched his poor limp body spinning into the sky. we were both crying very hard as we watched and the sound of my whimpering woke me up. i was all like “boo hoo hoo” cause it was so sad.  but i get better when i woke up more and said goodbye to the sad elephant as she too dissolved into yet another inexplicable dream about weird shit. fingers crossed i dont crash into large pachyderms on my way to the south.  i dont think i’d be able to enjoy the end of the world if that’d happen.  :’(

THE MERMAID OF THE SALTON SEA

Mixed Media. © Dec 29th 2011. By Leighton kelly

• back in the day when i was running a side show of freaks and oddities out of a trunk my friend and i took a road trip to the Salton Sea down south to look for unusual artifacts. we had hear that at the edges of the lake you could find piles of all sorts of bones from the death that this strange lake would up heave and we wanted to collect some for some obscure art project we were working on.  while walking on the strange banks of this lake of the dead i came across this strange creature. it was, of course, a fabled Mermaid but what i like to call a “true Mermaid”. the little mermaid stories we tell our children are fabrications begat by drunken sailors in tawdry barrooms. this is the only know specimen left that i know of and i have her hidden away under a pile of unsold garage sale treasure in a warehouse in west oakland. in any case i am heading down to the area where i found this creature so many years ago and maybe… just maybe…i’ll finish this sentence.

ROAD TRIP!

Pencil on paper bag. © Dec 29th 2011. By Leighton Kelly

• i decided when i looked upon the city early this December, on my birthday, from a tall mountain that i was sure that i did not want to be in SF for the new years. after all, i am a grown ass man and have no time for this madness. instead i am going down south to a dirty desert party (no, not that one) in a strange part of the world called Slab City. it’s an old abandoned military base where eccentric and general outcasts have dug in to make it their home. a strange and wild place covered in mysterious artifacts of an abandoned time. located next to the Saltan Sea which itself is mysterious and abandoned, a vast lake which kills more wild life than it supports acting numerous aquatic corpses on its shore. this place in the world is one where the  true weirdos and freaks flock to find comfort in numbers.  i guess it was fitting that i find myself following a caravan of beautiful miscreants and wayward travelers to the end of the world. which is fitting cause its the end of the world.  or maybe its next year.  yeah, its always next year.

NOTHING REALLY

Mixed Media. © Dec 29th 2011. By Leighton kelly

• Today i worked so hard and filled my day with all sorts of meaningful chores that i think i am going to do something i have never done before on this blog and not write anything at all to go with the piece of art that was made for it cuz i just dont have time for it… fuck. ok.. maybe next time.

WALING THE WALK

Acrylic on journal cover. © Dec 26th 2011. By Leighton kelly

• there is such an importance in being what you tell the outside world you are. but this is not by any means easy. we live with countless motivations that dictate a myriad of different possibilities in our lives. this is tell tale most when we try to express how we want to be and yet cannot find that place within us no matter how hard we try or how we try to fool our selves into believing that the qualities we tell our selves we have are mysteriously absent. i for one wish i enjoyed jogging but in reality i hate it. i think it sucks. but wouldnt it be nice to just be able to run for hours through the forest like an animal? i also wish i could correctly confront issues before they get out of hand. or know when its appropriate to do so. sometimes my compass, as rusty and unpredictable as it is, will lead me to a beneficial conclusion. other times its completely baffling as to the inner working of the mechanism of decision making. i sit confused until my inertia is moved by the inevitable outcome that life brings me. that is one thing i know i have in me. the silent acceptance of how life will move me on a trajectory that, really, i have no control over. its a strange ride and i have studied the art of making mistakes my whole life. if only i was taught at the beginning that mistakes are what makes us learn what doesn’t work instead of getting spanked for secretly throwing the roast beef behind the couch instead of eating it at dinner. seemed like a good idea at the time. oh if i had a penny for every time i said that i’d be swimming in a sea of Lincolns…. on a side note, i still hate roast beef.

YOOL TIDE CHEERZ

mixed media. © Dec 25th 2011. By Leighton kelly

• when Santa was bought out by Coca Cola some time back he thought he could sit back on his laurels and enjoy the good life without the pressure of Christmas always looming ahead.  but things went south not far after they day he sold out. of course he was already pretty sick of making toys all year, free from nasty children, living with uppity elves and the biting cold and so he moved to costa rica with his wife ms Clause. that didnt last obviously. he had countless bazillions and he and his wife got the taste for the finer tings which ultimately led to a nasty divorce and a cash settlement that bit far into his initial Coke proceeds.  after the split which was mutual yet bitter Santa tried his hand at a few start up businesses in the gift wrapping and dwarf for hire business. needles to say they didnt pan out due to issues with sporadic spending and human rights activists.  in an alarmingly short time Santa was bankrupt and had to sell his estate on Mal Pais and returned to the north, tho not far, as he disappeared for many years in the beast that is LA. he was seen sporadically on Hollywood boulevard in a drunken stupor shouting at the heavens and begging for change to pay “for daddies medicine”. he again disappeared in the mid 90’s and hasn’t been seen since. his close friends on the street say that he cleaned up his act and has since been living in Alaska in a small yurt doing what he loves. making bicycles and train sets for the local children. our reporters have yet to confirm this report. in any case Christmas has gone off without a hitch since the corporations have taken over and families across the land have rarely been disappointed from the seasons revelries as long as supplies last.  luckily baby Jesus still lives and poops his holey diapers in a small manger made of chocolate and eggnog somewhere in the Midwest holding it all together or else we’d all be fucked. God bless us everyone. (in your face) 

HOW I STOPPED WORRYING AND LOVED TO HATE CHRISTMAS

pen an ink. © Dec 24th 2011. By Leighton Kelly

• twas the night before christmas and all thru the house not a creature was stirring yada yada yada. listen, i stopped all this mumbo jumbo when i realized i couldn’t get a bunch of free presents just by acting ignorant. i loved it when i was a kid, sure. the sweet smelling tree in the living room, the presents that were not there the night before, the candy, the food… it was so awesome. didnt happen everyday and it was special and magical. but i am a grown ass man now and that shit dont have no room for a man like me. the last time it ever made any sense was in my early 20’s when me and my friend Heidi dressed up like elves who had been beaten up (she was a special effects makeup artist) blood, black eyes and missing teeth, (she dressed like she was 8 months pregnant as well) and went into the tenderloin with a knee length gym sock full of all the things we found in the drawer everyone has that in the kitchen full of shit we dont want any more. also we bought the biggest bottle of jim beam and vowed to drink it behind every dumpster we found (which was alot). we were fairly drunk as fuck and had already been kicked out of 50% of the bars we went into and was completely blotto on Christmas spirits so we went to the corner in the deep ghetto of the tenderlion where a large group of strange junkies and homeless had grouped. we cheefully offered the xmas sock to be ransacked. and it was. the can of tuna was the coveted prize and the old phone charger was thrown at us. it was the spirit of giving selflessly that made me believe for the last time that Christmas was still a real thing. it was the of reality that made me see that we should have sold the sock to a crack head for a half pint of cripple crow and hedge our losses.  after all, we would need a spot at the shelter and some change just to get us through the night but all that fat bastard gave us at the street light was a handful of coal. oh yeah, and god bless us everyone and shit. IT’S CHRISTMAS BEYOTCH!

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE

Graphite on paper. © Dec 23rd 2011. By Leighton Kelly

• after the zombie invasion last night i thought i would have some peace from the rough beasts slouching towards Bethlehem to be born. but you know what? i know there are more than one kind of rough beast hiding behind the fridge. there are some in every corner looking out in various degrees of consternation and wariness. its the life of the shadow that most reflects our daily movements. our concerns and worries will follow us even into the belly of the whale which to all accounts seems like a terrible place unless you live in a cartoon. thankfully i live in a cartoon daily so everything, really, is quite absurd to my eyes which pop out and boing around when i’m surprised. its super cliche and i like it.  so what? life is better when you can be surprised and also laugh about it in the end. but what about our fears? dont they have their own concerns? what if you are not afraid of them? what if you were but you got over them? the best thing to do is accept them and let them do their thing. after all they are family and you cant pick your family but, contrary to popular belief you actually can pick their noses (you sick bastards.)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Graphite, yo. © Dec 23rd 2011. By Leighton kelly

• i found another zombie tonight. this one was hiding behind the fridge. i told him to get out cuz he was stinking up the place. then there was that whole, “no way man, not me! dont you have like bree cheese in the fridge? i’m pretty sure you do.  or like an old leg of lamb so something. no way that could be me” but i was so tired and irritable from all the zombies keeping me up that i just kicked him out like BAM! i was pretty pissed so i decided to post three pieces this morning instead of going back to sleep. i kind of heard something outside and was all, “seriously?! still shuffling around outside you bastard? i’ll show you!” but when i went outside with a bat i saw him kinda sitting on the curb looking all sad and alone and it just broke my heart. so i gave him that leg of lamb from the fridge and sat with him for a bit and just listened to his story.  its all pretty fucked up. lived a life, died, came back to life as a rotting corpse instead of reincarnating as a tibetan girl like he was supposed to.  times are tough these days even for your irrational fears and worries. and even tho i wanted to invite him back in i knew it was better to let him back into the wild and dwell with his own kind in the cold darkness. i still think about him from time to time but i know that it was best for all of us that he’s gone. i’m sure he’ll find someone else to haunt someday and maybe i’ll see him around at the mall or something following some distressed traveler and we will lock eyes and i’ll smile secretly and he’ll start slouching and drooling more impressively and i’ll feel proud he has a new job and a home behind some strangers bureau or oven range. but i will never miss that leg of lamb. it went off like a week ago. 

THE CALL CAME FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE

Graphite, ect. © Dec 23rd 2011. By Leighton kelly

• heres a zombie. maybe its the one thats been bothering me all night. but like all zombies he never really gets the prize all zombies want. to eat brains and to go back to sleep. sure some zombies get to eat brains but not all of them.  what about the ones that dont have legs and arms? pretty easy to pick off unless you are paralyzed by fear and cant get it together to just walk around it. i mean, whats the deal with these freaks? why bother with the whole eating people thing? when you are undead why eat? your hear isnt even beating. how can you digest brains without proper blood flow and a healthy intestine flora? do zombies poop? do they ever get embarrassed about that?  no.. probably not. you know the more i think about it the more the whole thing seems pretty implausible. sure, there are numerous scientific studies on zombies and their insatiable hunger for the living but how come all the findings are hidden from the public? you now what i think? i think the whole zombie thing is a right wing conspiracy to keep us buying stuff we dont need and fearing the outside world. if i really think about it i have never seen a real zombie other than the movies. no wait.. i saw alot at Walmart. oh yeah and on the corner of 16th and mission. but they didnt want brains. it was like the last thing they were looking for. i think they just wanted crack. or maybe a xbox on sale. pfft… real zombies suck.

BLANK PAGE

Graphite on Paper. © Dec 22nd 2011. By Leighton Kelly

• Its 4:30 in the morning and i cant sleep again. i was sleeping mind you but then i woke up to pee and then my brain was all like, “up an at ‘em boys! time to turn up the music and explode some more!” and because it started the party up again everything became very acute. i heard a beeping. it was a fire alarm i disconnected a month ago cuz it was beeping every 15 seconds. i buried it in a pile of clothes somewhere and had become dislodged somehow and the nuclear battery in its unholy belly was keeping the dream of its protective prowess alive and misguided.  then i started thinking of car crashes and muggings. then i started thinking about what if there was a real zombie in the apartment? would there be an escape route from the bed room to safety? actually no there would not. that made me think about was there any thnig to kill a zombie in the room.  no. there is not. maybe i could throw loose change at it? push it off a balcony? how could it have gotten in? i locked the doors. oh ya, i’m day dreaming at night again without the benefit of sweet sweet sleep. normally i’ll toss and turn like it was a game in the Olympics until i was too tired to stay awake but it is a bittersweet battle and the sun usually makes a mocking appearance before i do.  well not tonight you bastard! i got up and did what i do not usually do. i’ll just go with it. i’m awake you damn sandman! where were you when i needed you most! you cheap SOB! i maybe got like a teaspoon of your sandy soporific when you should have thrown a handful right in my face.  are times that tough that you have to portion out your sleeping powder? how many imaginary zombies can there be? oh ya, i forgot, one for every sleep deprived person on the planet.  bazillions of them. you know what? its my brains fault i’m up at this unholy hour. i’m gonna let that hungry bastard go ahead and eat the hell out of it then i’ll sleep like the dead. thanks the undead! you’re the best!

SUCKER FACE AND THAT ROBOT

Graphite on paper. © Dec 21st 2011. By Leighton kelly

• uh.. i dont really have much to say right now so i’ll keep the chatter to a minimum. here is a picture of a swamp man and his friend that robot. they met when the robot jumped into the swamp and the swampy guy started to suck on his face console. when he couldn’t pierce that robots face with his sucker fangs he gave up and bought that robot a sandwich. to this very day that act of kindness has kept that robot from killing himself on several occasions. on days where he is really depressed he takes the sandwich out from its stasis field hidden in his robot body and looks at it until his serotonin processors fire up again. the swamp fella having a thing for throwing tasteful cocktail parties and a penchant for collecting interesting people has found that robot to be one of his favorite guests even with that robots frequently awkward social anxiety. later on the planet exploded. the end.